Fall is here. Summer felt long this year, in the best way. I think it’s because we didn’t travel much and I really tried to lean into lazy pool days and time spent with friends. But the weather has shifted, school has started, and here we are and October is nearly over.

I am always a bit melancholy at the end of summer. While I love fall and the festivities it brings, I ultimately am my happiest in sunshine. But this year, the melancholy has hit a bit harder as we said bye to our sweet girl, Sophie.

Sophie was my first baby. I got her at 8 weeks old when I needed a distraction, and she stayed by my side for 14 years. For a mutt, she had a shocking amount of health issues over the years. It would have been comical if not for the expense and stress of it all. But taking care of her really taught me how to be a mother. One time, I was talking to a friend about her and started to tear up. The friend laughed and asked what was wrong, and I just said that I loved her so much! It was actually pretty funny, but anyone who knows me knows that Sophie was the apple of my eye and that I adored her.

When I met Rob, he very quickly fell in love with her as well, which just confirmed that he was the man for me. When we had the girls, like any dog, she slipped down a few rungs, but I still cuddled her on the couch in the evening and she slept by my side of the bed every night.

We’d been noticing a decline over the years, but her arthritis had become quite acute in the past few months, with her slipping regularly and unable to handle stairs confidently. Still, we waited. She was eating and seemed generally OK. However, on August 7th, we woke up to her having had an accident and thrown up next to her bed. When I tried to move her, she could no longer bear weight on her hind legs. They were caput. I gave her a warm bath to see if that would help, but she was tired and was clearly done.

The girls got to say goodbye that morning before going to school, and then Rob and I scheduled a vet to come to the house and do the procedure there. It was very peaceful and she was calm. She didn’t even bark when the vet came in the house. I think she was ready. I sobbed uncontrollably, but was so grateful that I got to hold her until she took her last breath.

My honey puppy.

Clare still asks about her regularly. If anyone loved Sophie as much as me, it was Clare. That girl has such a heart for animals – dogs specifically – and she absolutely adored Soph. But she sees her picture every day and says hello to her, which is both heart wrenching and incredibly sweet.

This is the burden of pet ownership. We get to have these incredible creatures in our lives, giving us love and companionship, but we know it will be for a short time. If we are lucky, we will get many years from them, but odds are, we will be the ones who will have to say goodbye to them and have to carry both that love and loss with us in their absence.

We will get another dog. We are a dog family and our girls love animals. But we will wait a while. My breath still catches when a photo of her pops up on my phone. The other day, I was getting gas across the street from our veterinarian and I got choked up. I will be ready one day, but for now, I’m missing my girl.

The week after Sophie passed, we went to the Cape for our annual trip. After the loss, it was nice to have something to look forward to.

It was a really great year and the girls had a blast. We stayed at our same house, went to our same beaches, and ate the same lobster rolls and ice cream. I always feel so at home on the Cape and appreciate the easy pace of things, particularly during this chapter.

When we returned from the Cape, it was back to school time! Chloe started Kindergarten and Clare Bear headed to the Toddler class.

Both girls are doing so great! Chloe’s math and letters are really coming along, and Clare has finally stopped biting (we hope!) and is starting to really figure out potty-training. At this point, it’s mom and dad who are reluctant to give up the convenience of diapers, but I think we will pull the trigger in November.

The fall has been busy, but lovely. We’ve spent a lot of time with friends, and I’m officially 40! Everyone always loves to ask how you feel when turning 40, and my response is always, “Well, what’s the alternative??!”

But in all seriousness, I feel incredibly lucky to be where I am in life. I have the best partner who loves and supports me in everything I do. I have two beautiful girls who are so funny and arguably the cutest children on the planet (I own my bias, but also, I think it’s an accurate statement). I have a job that I really enjoy and coworkers who I look forward to seeing and collaborating with. I am lucky to have friendships, both old and new, that are deep and meaningful. And, thanks to my sweet trainer, Bob, I honestly think I’m physically stronger than I’ve ever been.

I have entered each previous decade with so many unknowns, but as I look at my 40s, I feel very settled and confident in what I’m doing, where I’m going, and who I’m surrounding myself with. And that is probably the greatest gift.